#003: My Testimony - An Interview by Skip Hall

Skip Hall: Welcome to Game Plan for life. This is your host, Skip Hall. Well, today I've got a very interesting guest in studio. His name is Matt C Willis. He's got a tremendous story that I think you're really going to enjoy. He works with businesses. He's part he's a partner at Wizard of Ads. And we'll have him tell a little bit about that here in just a minute. But he's also a mentor to men through through a church ministry. But the theme of today's show is from porn addict to ministry leader. Matt, welcome to Game Plan for life.

Matt Willis: Thank you very much, Skip. Appreciate the opportunity, my friend.

Skip Hall: You bet. And anyway, we want to get started with with your story. Let's go back to where you grew up and kind of march us up to today.

Matt Willis: Sure. So grew up just outside of Portland, Oregon. Large family. I have actually five sisters. Love them all to death. Uh, when growing up it was a Christian home. Went to church on a regular basis, went to Awanas many referred to me as a golden child or quote unquote, saint. Matt.

Matt Willis: I was the kind of kid that I was occasionally disciplined, but usually if you told me what to do, I just fixed it just like that. Um, so growing up around the age, and I was homeschooled growing up, around the age of 13, I stumbled into pornography. I had no idea what I was getting into. It was very much, you know, the purity culture type, uh, time. And all I knew about it was, I cannot let anyone know what I have seen.

Matt Willis: I had no idea how addictive it was going to be. And therefore how difficult it would be to escape it. So my prayers from, you know, ages say 13 to 15 became very oriented around, Lord, I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I can't stop and I need your help. So around the age of, say, 16, I remember going to a Christian men's retreat, uh, with my father, and I approached the pastor, the main speaker there, and I said, pastor, here's what I'm struggling with. I don't want to be struggling with it. What can I do? And he said, Matt, I can tell your heart's in the right place. Just read your Bible and pray more, and I'm sure all will be well. Um, and I already was. But that put me on a journey of spending without any accountability whatsoever. I was spending over an hour a day, every day reading scripture. I was praying to God at least 20 minutes a day, every day, on top of homework, on top of work, etc. just because I was so desperate to escape this but didn't know how. And I thought kind of like, you know what? Rubbing a genie in a bottle, sort of a thing that just by reading the Bible and praying more because that's the only that's the only guidance anyone had ever given me. And when my parents caught me, it was yelling and screaming and shaming. And so I legitimately had no idea what to do. But I knew that this was not a behavior that was glorifying to God, and I just felt trapped.

Matt Willis: And as a teenager, I was paranoid about, okay, hopefully this all goes away by the time I get married, because I've been eagerly anticipating getting married for at that point, you know, a decade. And I knew it would be horrifying and traumatizing to my future wife. So again, 20 minutes every day, the majority of it. I was praying to God for deliverance. I was bartering with God. Lord, if you take this away from me, I will do whatever you call me to do. Go wherever you call me. I'll be a missionary. I'll be martyred, I don't care, I just need help. Yeah, I expected that help to come in the form of, you know, one day I wake up and no longer would crave it, no longer would have undesired, uncontrollable behavior.

Skip Hall: The bingo approach.

Matt Willis: Yeah. Or the magic pill approach, as I often refer to it. And that didn't happen. Yeah. So my wife and I got married, uh, at the age of. I was 22, uh, this was 2013. And. I hadn't disclosed anything to her. In fact, the one time she asked me about it when we were engaged, I lied about it. That was the only thing I had learned to do from a defense mechanism standpoint, because I had come to believe if I can't beat it, then the only love I could possibly experience comes from deflected. Exactly. Not allowing people to actually know who I am and what I struggle with. So about a year into marriage, it all started coming out the Lord. A miracle happened by in that the Lord allowed me to get caught in my sin. And I say it was a miracle because it was something that while I was praying about it, skip and while I was reading my Bible, I wasn't actually implementing what Scripture says as far as how to deal with this kind of sin. And so by my wife finding out in that moment, I felt, to be honest, completely and utterly betrayed by God. God? Was I not praying enough? Was I not reading the Bible enough? What more could I have done? God.

Skip Hall: Yeah.

Matt Willis: And a couple of years into marriage, we're on the brink of divorce. This marriage to this woman who was the love of my life. But I had no ability to control my behavior, which was directly causing her to feel like her not only marriage, but her own emotional well-being was at stake on an hour by hour basis. I felt, despite having grown up in the church, felt utterly betrayed by the Lord for a couple of years because he didn't answer the prayer as I thought he would.

Skip Hall: Mhm.

Matt Willis: So we went to marriage counseling for multiple years, and ultimately where the Lord started working in my heart, working in my mind was through getting plugged into a recovery group with other men who were also struggling, right, who were holding each other accountable. While we also began to understand the nature of the struggle, why we struggled. Mhm. Like there are multiple verses, particularly in Proverbs, talking about how foolish it would be for a king to go off to war without first counting his troops and the troops of the enemy. And yet, so often when we go and try to fight this sin, fight this behavior, we are completely in the dark as to why do we even resort to it in the first place? Mm. Are we trying to numb something out? Are we operating on an automatic trigger? Like what's going on behind the scenes that's leading us to act likely impulsively? I could have been in the midst of the addiction. I could have been heart open before the Lord worshipping God, and within five minutes, been acting out like that's how deep the rabbit hole goes from a addictive capacity standpoint and potentially even further for many others. And so I got plugged in with this group in which I had the opportunity to experience the gospel. We began to understand the nature of the struggle, what I was running from, what I had never learned to process from an emotion standpoint, as well as other things. The traumas that I had gone through that I was coping with in this way. I began to understand that. And then, as first John talks about, he talks about confessing your sin. If you confess your sins, he is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. And I had read that, and over the years of addiction I had prayed like God, I am confessing this to you.

Matt Willis: But I missed the reality that. The Bible wasn't written to me personally. It wasn't written to any individual. It was written to the church, the church. And when John is talking about this, he's talking about confessing our sins to one another within the body, as well as obviously to the Lord. But you'll notice also in that same exact chapter, it talks about if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another. Again, he's talking to us as the collective church. Not only that, but so often us as men especially struggle with community. Having meaningfully deep relationships with each other and being in that group allowed me to develop some of the deepest relationships I had ever had in my life, because we were talking about the stuff at the depths of our soul that we had never shared with anyone else. And so I'd say that's what I have found to be the third piece to the puzzle of what God has created and ordained to be. The journey toward healing and freedom is it's understanding, it's confession, and then it's fellowship, which can only come when you have a relationship grounded in confession, can grounded in Christ.

Matt Willis: Right. So bring you up to today. So I've been sober for five, seven years or so. I don't even really keep track anymore. But a couple of years ago, the Lord opened up the opportunity for me to share a snippet of my testimony at a local men's retreat. And within the following couple of months, there were 15 guys which constituted, you know, over 10% of those at that men's retreat who approached me and said, hey, you've experienced some level of healing, I need help. Um, and I approached the elders at my church and said, hey, here's the lay of the land. Here's my experience. Here's a topic that hasn't been really addressed because most churches don't understand, because most people don't understand how to address this topic in a helpful way. And so we started a ministry at our church in August of last year. We started launching groups geared towards men in December of last year, and last I counted in less than a year's time of having groups where now there are over 40 men, not just from within our church, but from throughout the valley.

Skip Hall: Wow.

Matt Willis: People who some of them don't even believe in Christianity, but it's a missional opportunity for them to understand. Hey, yes, you have a struggle. But as Scripture talks about like, what good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? So what? Good. By the same token, I get there's a sense of urgency to preserve your marriage, to put your life what feels like back in order. But these groups are an opportunity for men, whether they believe or not, to experience the gospel and to understand that it's about far more than just behavior management. Right?

Skip Hall: Right. And, Matt, your church is Faith Community Bible Church?

Matt Willis: Correct

Skip Hall: And you have classes or how do you how do you go about with your ministry?

Matt Willis: The main thrust of it, if you will, are confidential recovery groups geared towards men who are struggling with unwanted sexual behavior. Those meet throughout the week, and as of the last couple of months, my wife has taken the helm for the women's side of the ministry. So they just launched a group geared towards women who have been betrayed, helping them to heal through that process. And the goal is ultimately to have groups geared towards helping men recover from in process, through healing, if they've been betrayed by their wives, as well as for what women who are addicted or struggling with unwanted sexual behavior as well. So we're just getting started.

Skip Hall: You mentioned to me earlier that there's more and more women that are falling into this trap. Talk to that a little bit. Yeah.

Matt Willis: The nature of the struggle is oftentimes different, which in itself is fascinating to me. But the need is just as much there. In fact, for many women it's even more taboo, which is shocking because even like within the church, the topic of pornography, frankly, of struggling with anything, is taboo. But there's such an incredible need for it. And what I have found is, is not just, again, it's not just about behavior management. It's about, okay, who did God create us to be? Are we living life as the men and women that God has called and created us to be? If we are living with the shame and the guilt in the shadows of the sin that we feel completely powerless against, no, there's no way that we are living in the full. Understanding of the gospel that we've been redeemed by.

Skip Hall: Exactly. Yeah.

Matt Willis: And that's what gets me so fired up. Like I have come to believe that the Lord didn't give me a quote unquote miracle pill answer to prayer because he's more about he's about more than just behavior change. He wanted to take me from a coward to a leader, from someone in isolation to someone who is immersed in his community. God wanted to take me from a passive husband to a strong leader who leads his wife on mission. I'm like, God is has such a broader understanding of who we are and what we need. It would have been a disservice for him to just just like that, take me out of the addiction. Yeah. And I did not see that right in the midst of it. But the further I am into the, you know, pursuit of freedom, the more I'm understanding the Lord was in control and knew exactly what to do the whole time.

Skip Hall: Always has, always will, 100%. You know, Matt, I'm sure you're well aware of this too. But men have a built in antenna. And if you get too close, why, that antenna kind of goes deep, deep, deep, deep. And, you know, just back off here. Don't ask me any personal questions. Let's just go about news, weather and sports and and go about our day and so on and so forth. But yeah, when you get down to the nitty gritty and can get into a group with men or women for that matter, boy, what a difference that makes. And what have you found now through some of this group stuff that you've been doing? What's happening to those men, brother?

Matt Willis: It's been incredible. And you're exactly right so often. So what the typical male friendship model looks like is, like you alluded to, let's find some area of common ground, whether it be the weather, whether it be sports, something that's not all that personal, then maybe a couple weeks, a couple of months down the road, we get back together and maybe we go an inch deeper in our relationship. And then an inch deeper, and then in, and then someone moves away, for example. But the beauty in these groups is it's not just about, again, behavior management. What we're finding is that when we are willing to be authentic and honest in this, what for most guys is like the deepest thing that they would for me, I would have rather died than have anyone, especially my wife, find out about this. Right? And so once that became exposed, there was a sense in which I'm like, what else do I have to hide? Mhm. And I felt a automatically that antenna you're talking about skip began to dissolve. Mhm. And that's what I am hearing from feedback from the guys in the ministry as well. Like they're able to better feel and therefore better able to connect with their spouse. Mhm. Even like for myself with ADHD I noticed a significant decrease uh in my ADHD and increase in my ability to focus. Mhm. My friendships and this is again a common theme that I hear is when we begin to get comfortable with connecting with other brothers around the topic of our deepest struggles, it's like, yeah, everything else is a whole lot easier.

Skip Hall: You bet. So you bet.

Matt Willis: It's just incredible having the opportunity to connect with guys.

Skip Hall: Amazing, amazing opportunity the Lord has given you. And obviously it's it's reaping rewards and we want more people to know about it. And at the end of the show, I'm going to have you give your, your contact information. So if anybody wants to connect with you or learn more about it, perhaps why they can they can get a hold of you directly. You can always get a hold of me through the radio station. Uh cbcl 94.1 The Voice. Again, we're talking with Matt C Willis, and he has a men's mentoring group through the church. And, uh, but his story is from porn addict to ministry leader. And it's a fascinating story. So. So, Matt, tell us a little bit more, uh, before we we move on. Let's talk more about the porn recovery stuff. Yeah.

Matt Willis: Oftentimes what I have found in connecting with other men is there's almost there's initially a sense in which, why put myself through all of this, and it comes from a place where I can really understand if there is no perceived sense of hope that things can get better, then why go through the pain and agony of joining a group and thereby potentially, if there's a wife involved, letting a wife know that you're joining this group and then that could lead one conversation to another and lo and behold, oh my goodness, you're addicted to pornography, aren't you? There's a lot of fear that goes into a man stepping out in pursuing healing. And it's very hard to in very unlikely, frankly, that a man will take the steps toward healing, toward freedom if there is no perceived opportunity for hope. And obviously through Scripture we see, you know, Paul talking about, you know, in this life there are things that I do that I don't want to do and things that I don't want to do that I do. And right. He talks about the the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. So like, we can understand this topic and we love the fact that, you know, come heaven, we're not going to have these struggles. But my encouragement to the anyone who is struggling with unwanted sexual behavior, whether men or women, is that hope, even in this life, is possible.

Matt Willis: Now, I'm going to potentially redefine hope in that. Again, we're not talking about behavior management primarily. So it could well be that until the day you die, you to an extent wrestle with your eyes wandering occasionally. I'm not saying that at this point. That's never a temptation. However, what I from my experience, both personally as well as working with other guys, what my experience is in what hope is this side of eternity is we have the opportunity to live in community while linking arms with other people who are also struggling, in which people understand and know who we actually are. And guess what? They love us even more because they actually know who we are. They're real because we're real. Exactly. And so what I have found is, even in the times in which I say confess something to my wife, I let my eyes wander, for example, and I confess that to her what I find is we have a conversation. Of course it causes hurt, but ultimately it leads to even deeper intimacy than before. See, the beautiful thing is, like all of these things going back to, uh, comment Joseph made where his brothers, you know, tried to frankly kill him and he says what they intended for evil. God used for.

Skip Hall: Good.

Matt Willis: And that is absolutely the story of the Lord redeeming those who have a keen understanding of their brokenness, which is one almost advantage that those of us who struggle with some form of addictive sin have, we understand, and that we are incapable on our own of doing any better. And so hope this side of heaven doesn't necessarily have to look like you have it all figured out. You never struggle. There's never any temptation. Temptation itself is not a sin. It's alway going to be there. But it's what you do with it. Do you bring others around you, or do you continue pushing people away?

Skip Hall: Yeah.

Matt Willis: And if you have people around you, they will help you pursue freedom, pursue healing.

Skip Hall: Yeah. That's so good, man. That's just awesome. Well, well enough for the porn addict ministry leader for today. We're going to come back and follow up with that next week, so be sure and tune in. I want to spend just a couple of minutes here. Um, you've also in the business world you for about ten years you were in the corporate world and you since have belonged to a group, uh, called Wizard of Ads. In one minute. Give us a quick bio.

Matt Willis: I spent the last nine years working in software companies. There were elements that I loved about it. I had the opportunity to connect with business owners and executives and largely how to take their products or services to market, um, but ultimately got burned out on a number of things, including the corporate bureaucracy and, uh, back, uh, beginning of this year, end of last year was extended a invitation to become a partner at the marketing firm called Wizard of Ads, where I, frankly have the opportunity to help business owners. Reach their full potential. It's like that is who I am, both from a ministry standpoint as well as helping business owners. That's what I have the opportunity to do and it's such a blessing.

Skip Hall: Yeah, absolutely. Well, Matt, how can people connect with you? Give us your contact information.

Matt Willis: My email address for the business is Matt@MattCWillis.com. And for ministry related topics, it’s Matt@CourageReclaimed.com

Skip Hall: Well folks, if you're interested in this and this is a fascinating ministry, maybe you know somebody that needs to to be in one of these groups. So anyway, Matt, we're going to continue this on next week. And thank you so much for being our guest today on Game Plan for life.

Matt Willis: My pleasure. Thank you so much, Skip. Appreciate you.