#002: What is Courage Reclaimed? - An Interview by Skip Hall
Skip Hall: Welcome to Game Plan for life. This is your host, Skip Hall. Well, today we welcome back Matt Willis. Matt has been with us on a couple other occasions and has some really interesting, uh, perspective on on the topic today. And I want to share what what Matt has, uh, is all about. But first of all, let's welcome Matt. Matt, welcome to Game Plan for life.
Matt Willis: Thank you very much, Skip. Looking forward to being here with your audience.
Skip Hall: You bet. Well, Matt has just launched Courage Reclaimed and Courage Reclaimed. Com is is how to get there. It's a business with a goal of helping men break free from sexual addiction and become the leaders God has called and created them to be. It contains newsletters and online courses detailing how to break free from sexual addiction. Well, this is a topic that most people don't like to talk about too much, but it's a very important one. And there are men that struggle for sure. So, Matt, let's let's start off with this. What is courage reclaimed?
Matt Willis: Courage reclaimed, just like you were saying, is all about helping men break free from sexual sin. Sexual addiction. What we find is in the research, over 70% of men and over 35% of women in the church struggle with some form of sexual addiction. And that is not just in and of itself, you know, sinful, but it also negatively impacts the way that we view the world, the way we interact with others, the way that we have a level of intimacy in our marriages. It impacts literally every area of life when left unchecked. And a lot of people believe, like I did, that. What can you really do about it other than pray that God will heal us? And so courage reclaimed is really all about helping give practical wisdom and guidance to men, in particular on how to break free from sexual addiction.
Skip Hall: Okay. All right. So next question. What does it mean to break free from sexual addiction.
Matt Willis: That's a fantastic question, Skip. And one that I wrestled with for a long time because growing up I had no idea. I stumbled into, uh, pornography accidentally back when I was about 12 years old and growing up in purity culture, I just I knew I couldn't tell anyone because that's not a topic that we talk about, nor was sex, nor was anything adjacent to that. And so for the next several years, I really wrestled with how do I break free from this? The Bible says that we are not called to live in sexual immorality, but if I am honest, I didn't know how to stop. Yeah, like I was going to church multiple times a week, you know, Awanas youth group, church on Sunday. I was praying a lot, reading the Bible a lot. Yeah. And that's all that I knew how to do. Yeah. And I could be worshiping God wholeheartedly one minute and within a couple of minutes acting out. Yeah. And so I ended up just by way of recapping my testimony. I ended up confessing to a pastor at a men's retreat a couple of years into the addiction, saying, hey, I don't know what to do. And he said, Matt, I can tell your heart's in the right place. Just read your Bible and pray more and all will work itself out. And so I started reading the Bible for an hour a day and praying 20 minutes a day, at least with zero accountability. The prayers were mostly God, break me free from this. I don't want this. Your word says you don't want this for me. What do I do? And my parents ended up catching me in the act a couple of times, yelling, screaming the full gambit.
Matt Willis: So what I learned from that, if you will, is I cannot let anyone know. Yeah, because they didn't provide any kind of constructive path toward breaking free per your question. They just said, don't do that. Yeah, yeah. And so a couple of years ago, I had the opportunity at a church men's retreat to share a little bit of my testimony. Uh, several guys, about 15 guys came forward and said, hey, I need help, too. What do I do? And the sexual integrity ministry grew out of our church, and that in the last 14 months has grown to over 60 men. No kidding. And what I'm beginning to recognize is there is immense opportunity for growth, obviously, well beyond just this one church, because there's such desperate need. Most churches don't know how to address this topic. And so when a lot of guys in the church think of the topic of what does it mean to break free, they think of it as what I refer to as white knuckling, just trying harder. But the thing about white knuckling anything is you eventually lose strength. You lose the ability to continue fighting. It's less about sheer grit, and it has so much more to do with healing. The reasons why we go to that kind of behavior anyway. Yeah, now I was an impulsive addict. As I mentioned, I could be heartfelt worshiping one minute and acting out the next. Right? And so a big part of what it means to break free is to heal the reasons, heal the emotional triggers that underlie the addiction, which a lot of guys don't realize.
Matt Willis: There are those things. And so when I talk about healing the addiction or healing what's underneath, we're not talking about, you know, the spiritual gift of healing that, you know, laying on of hands that God might instantaneously know in Scripture we actually have a pretty clear roadmap. Now, mind you, I've read through Scripture and in the midst of the addiction, read through Scripture a number of times and didn't identify and didn't implement the roadmap that it gave as far as how to be cleansed of sin. But it is in there largely in first John Uh.huh. And so what it means to break free is to get go from a place where we are impulsively sinning, to where we begin to crave the actual acting out of the sin. Less and less. We begin instead of isolating ourselves, which is the natural response to addiction, we begin seeking fellowship instead of pursuing secrecy and lying like I did. Right? We are pursuing confession. Instead of allowing ourselves to be deceived that oh, I'm compartmentalizing. This isn't impacting my marriage. No, we gain understanding of who God is in his character. We gain understanding of how God created us, how Satan seeks to rewire our minds, and what triggers these associated. And so it's about getting to a point where we begin acting out less and less and less. We begin confessing more and more and more to the point where, like where I'm at in my recovery right now is, yes, there's still sometimes temptation, but. I have a community around me, including my wife, where I can confess the temptation. And then it doesn't lead to acting out because we remove the power of sin and addiction when we confess.
Skip Hall: Yes. And that I think that leads to the importance of, of men's groups. Yes. Men surrounding men and being honest with each other. And yeah, you can't just be a lone Ranger. Um, it's not going to work. So I want I neglected at the outset, Matt, to ask you to just touch on on your, your past and bring us up to date a little bit, if anything else you want to share about your past?
Matt Willis: As I mentioned, have a lot of guys who reach out to me on a monthly, on a weekly basis asking for help. And I get that like I struggled for over a decade without knowing who to go to, what to do in order to pursue freedom. And at this point, I typically get guys who are in a position where I was when I finally started pursuing help, which is a couple of years into marriage, my wife catches me, marriage is falling apart, and we're on the brink of divorce. So a big part of where the inspiration for Courage Reclaimed came from was recognizing opportunities within the church's ministries as well as opportunities. Looking back on my story and seeing many others where we want to create an environment where men who are trapped in sexual addiction can begin learning what it looks like to break free before their marriage gets on the brink, before their life starts falling apart.
Skip Hall: Mhm. Yeah. So we're talking about pornography here too, right?
Matt Willis: We're talking about pornography. We're talking about strip clubs. We're talking about chat rooms. We're talking about the full gambit. Thus the broadened term of sexual addiction.
Skip Hall: Yeah, yeah yeah. Good good good. So how does Courage Reclaimed help men break free from sexual sin?
Matt Willis: Courage reclaimed is about helping at this point. Helping men begin to understand what is keeping them trapped and understand the practical steps of how to break free. It starts out with hope, knowing that breaking free is possible. But then in our online course, we walk through step by step what it looks like to break free from sexual sin, including how to avoid a number of the landmines. I'm really good at stepping on any rake that you put in front of me. That was like the story of my recovery journey. And so we offer an online course, walking through again with the goal of expediting the process of healing both of the individual as well as of the marriage. But also we also offer newsletters which completely free on the website and largely break into two categories. Um, one we are referring to as sticky scriptures. And that is an exposition, if you will. It's a overview of different scripture that are very difficult to understand in light of addiction. For example, what does it mean that we are more than conquerors in Christ if we are addicted to pornography or sexual addiction? What does it mean when Scripture says do not even associate with the sexually immoral? Are Christians who struggle in this area supposed to be ostracized? I don't think so, no.
Matt Willis: What about, like, the one of the big verses for me was First Corinthians 1013, which says that God will always provide a way of escape from sin, that you may be able to bear it. Now, when I was again impulsively acting out, there was no additional thoughts going through my mind. And so how does that verse reconcile with my experience? How does my experience reconcile with a truth of who God is and his character? Because what I've begun to realize is I'm not the only one who struggled with understanding God's character in the midst of addiction. Yeah. And so my team and I are putting together expositions, if you will, expositing Scripture in those specific areas in the context of Scripture. Then there's the real talk newsletters, which are all about what I've learned along the way. And am continuing to learn sharing that information so that, again, guys don't have to learn from their own mistakes. They can hopefully learn from mine. They can glean knowledge of what I'm picking up along the way as well.
Skip Hall: Mhm mhm. Good stuff. Well we're talking with Matt Willis and we're talking about Courage Reclaimed. And you can get go to the website CourageReclaimed.com and get all the information. But Matt let's let's tackle another question here. So what is the significance of the name courage reclaimed.
Matt Willis: Every man wants to be thought of as courageous and I believe we have a even a biblical mandate toward leadership. And courage is a big part of leadership. We all want that. But what happens when we don't have our integrity intact? Integrity is a big part of being a leader of being courageous. And what oftentimes happens when we try to lead or be courageous, when we don't have our integrity about us, is we are hypocrites and oftentimes come across harshly. And so Courage Reclaimed is about helping men become the courageous leaders that God has called and created them to be while operating with the utmost of integrity, which, like you absolutely correctly said, a big part of that is going to be entering into a safe community of other brothers in Christ, walking through this not only healing journey with them, but also walking through this life with them.
Skip Hall: Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, next question for you, Matt. I'm kind of pinning you up against the wall here. What can church leaders do to help the men of their church break free?
Skip Hall: In Boise, as far as Boise addresses, we have over 220 churches, last I checked.
Matt Willis: In the entire Treasure Valley we have. Last I checked, less than two dozen churches that have public facing sexual integrity ministries.
Matt Willis: Now, when you pair that with this, there are 70% of men and 35% of women in any given church's flock, right, who are struggling in this area, which not only means that they are actively living in sin, but they're also not living into the new self that Christ has called them to put on. It's like that is a huge part of what God has called Jesus is called the elders of the churches to do is shepherd the flock. And we cannot be ignoring this, right? There's so much hurt, so much pain in this area. And when it gets left ignored, that doesn't change the amount of hurt that the men and women in the congregations are feeling and experiencing every day. They just feel like the church, and maybe God himself is irrelevant to their struggle. And so we need to start talking about it more, not from a place of shame on you. This is a horrible, heinous sin. No one's denying that sexual addiction, that pornography. I don't know of any solid Christian who says that that's not sinful. And so I'm not contending that it's not by any stretch of the imagination, but rather we need to speak about it with a recognition of what it is, which is Satan is working through, through these temptations in order to set God's children astray.
Matt Willis: And so we need to have ministries within churches that are specifically designed to address this topic. And that can look like starting a sexual integrity ministry, Pure Desire, for example, as a phenomenal arsenal of resources about how to for different groups, they have counseling with professional sex addiction therapists that are Christians as well all of which are going to play a vital part in most men's healing journeys. Um, additionally, you can reach out to me. I we've launched a sexual integrity ministry at one church already. We're getting ready to launch in two additional churches in the valley. Again just making information resources available to more and more people throughout the valley, because this is wreaked havoc on this world and on this valley long enough. And we need to implement Scripture to a point where we can help men break free and become the leaders that God has called and created them to be.
Skip Hall: You bet, you bet. Such good stuff. Well, one other question that I've got, Matt. And then we'll, uh, we'll kind of wrap things up. But, um, what encouragement would you give to a man struggling right now?
Matt Willis: You're not alone, my friend. If you, like me, spent have spent years striving, years praying that God would deliver you. I want you to know that the reason I've come to realize that God didn't just immediately, you know, cause me to wake up one day and no longer experience temptation. It's because God, for myself and for you, wants to do more than just change your behavior. God wants more than just to make you a non-sex addict. God wants to take you from cowardice to courageous, from passive to passionate, from a follower to a leader. There are an incredible amount of ways that the Lord has sanctified me through the healing journey, and the Lord wants to do the same for each and every man who is listening to this episode. And the journey is going to be incredibly difficult. But we also know from the New Testament Scripture says everything that was covered up will be exposed. And so my encouragement and my offer to any of the guys listening today is don't wait until your life, your world, your marriage is in dire straits. Pursue freedom now. There is hope. There is healing.
Skip Hall: Absolutely, absolutely. Well, from what I can gather, Matt, the key now is, is multiplication within churches. Um, you say you've got one already doing this and two more on the on the horizon, but how do people how would they get their church involved with this ministry?
Matt Willis: I would encourage them to reach out to me. We can strategize that approach. They can have their pastors or elders reach out to me as well. We're also going to be hosting a free event over the course of four weeks in April, um, which is going to be the How to break Free from sexual Addiction course over the course of four weeks live event completely free. Uh, hosted at Faith Community Bible Church. If you subscribe to the newsletter on the website CourageReclaimed.com, we will be announcing additional details as well as the registration link there. But that would be a great opportunity not only for church members to learn more about what it would look like for themselves to break free, right? But also a great resource to point their pastors or elders to. And one quick shout out I'm on the verge of becoming a father. Yeah, and I am utterly and completely ecstatic about that.
Matt Willis: But I want to in the spirit of talking about courage and talking about sexual addiction, part of the reason my father came and shared with me several years after I got married, a couple years after my wife found out and my father approached me and he said, Matt, I have a confession for you. The reason I wasn't able to come alongside you in the midst of your struggle was because I too was addicted and I couldn't risk your mother finding. By coming alongside you. And so for any of you fathers, whether you struggle or whether you just want to be able to understand what it looks like to break free from sexual addiction, because you have sons who in this world will eventually be exposed and you want to be able to address it in a helpful way instead of a shame filled way. I would still absolutely encourage you to come. This is not only for men who are actively struggling, but those who are also looking to be a support to those who are.
Skip Hall: You bet. Well, any listeners that feel like this is an important issue with your church, be sure to go to your your pastor or assistant pastor or somebody in the leadership and have them contact Matt and at reclaimed. Let's see what was it. CourageReclaimed.com and get it started. Because this is a real issue in every church, every single church in the valley struggles with this. The men in the church and sometimes the women too. So let's talk about that for a minute.
Matt Willis: The average age of exposure, again, going talking about kids, the average age of exposure to explicit material for young girls is nine years old. for boys, it's seven years old.
Skip Hall: Wow.
Matt Willis: And so as parents, we need to be addressing the topic at a younger and younger age. Obviously age appropriate, but we cannot let our own struggles in this area keep us from parenting in a courageous fashion. Having those uncomfortable. Conversations with our kids. Additionally, yes, absolutely. There are a lot of women who struggle and the nature of the struggle between women and men. There's actually quite a few differences. One's obviously not better or worse. They're just different. Different. They're craving different things typically. Um, and again, uh, if you as a woman are struggling in this area, my encouragement to you would be go to pure desire. Org. They have a bunch of phenomenal resources on sex or love addiction, including different groups, different resources. that'll be a huge asset to you as well as to the church as a whole. Because, Skip, you're exactly right that this is a challenge for both men and women. And it's it's an issue that in itself is escalating in the hearts and minds of those who struggle. But it's also reaching an ever increasing amount of people. But just like I think back to what Joseph said to his brothers when they betrayed him, he said, what you intended for evil, God used for good.
Skip Hall: Yeah.
Matt Willis: And what I have found after pouring into men who are struggling, who are just agonizing over the, uh, sin, the betrayal that they're doing, um, is as they begin to break free, they become ever more passionate. The very things that Satan used to hold them back, God is now using to further his reach, further his kingdom in this valley and beyond.
Skip Hall: Yeah.
Matt Willis: From like even on a more micro level, like when I it obviously in the early days of rebuilding trust with my wife, like when I would confess things, there was a significant amount of hurt, a significant amount of pain, a remembrance of the trauma, all of that. We're at a place now where even when I confess that there's temptation or I'm feeling more anxious, which could be a trigger for me that actually leads us into deeper intimacy. See, everything about sin and even this sin, which is largely taboo in the Christian church. Like everything about this, the Lord Christ has done the work to redeem it, but it's up to us to go from walking in darkness, putting on the old self. We have to instead put on the new self, right? Otherwise we are not living in the power of Christ. We're continuing to walk in our own old ways.
Matt Willis: We're effectively, well, ineffectual when we do that. We are made for so much more.
Skip Hall: No kidding, no kidding. Well, let's give out the two, uh, websites again. For the one for the men, one for the women.
Matt Willis: So I would encourage all of the women who are at a place where they're struggling, whether that's with betrayal or whether that is, uh, in their own struggle with sex or love addiction. Go to Pure desire.org. They have a bunch of phenomenal resources and they do for men as well. Courage Reclaimed as we've been talking about, is specifically geared toward helping men break free from sexual addiction. So it's going to provide a different perspective, more of an overview, as well as it's going to offer a lot of more of a personal perspective, if you will. Yeah, I would I would have loved for a guy to come alongside me in the midst of the struggle and just kind of be real.
Skip Hall: You bet.
Matt Willis: And that's a big part of what we're about at Courage Reclaimed is connecting with men in that way
Skip Hall: CourageReclaimed.com it's it's very important. And we want to reach as many men as possible and women too. And and Matt is willing to to put his feet on the ground and get to work. So give them give them a holler. Go to those websites. And again Matt Willis. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing on Game Plan for life.
Matt Willis: My pleasure. Skip. Thank you very much.
Skip Hall: You bet.
