#010: Biblical Sexuality Part 4 - Headship, Submission & The Profound Mystery

Welcome to the Courage Reclaimed podcast, where our mission is to help Christian men break free from what holds them back, fall madly in love with Jesus, and become the leaders he's called and created us to be.

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In this episode, we will again continue our series through Christopher West's book "Our Bodies Tell God's Story" on the theme of biblical sexuality. Today we're going to dive into two main themes, one being the concept of sex and marriage and heaven, and the second being in the realm of headship and submission within marriage. These are both topics that are heavily disputed, heavily discussed, and the lack of clarity, I think, caused us to miss out on immense beauty in God's grand design. If you haven't kind of been with us through this series, that's a very common theme, where God shows so much creativity and intentionality and so much of his character in his design for gender and sex, that when we miss it, we miss understanding who he is and why he does what he does. So really looking forward to getting into it today with you.

We'll start out with a quote by Dennis Kinlaw in which he says, "The climax of the story of redemption is the marriage symbol to eternal reality. I love this picture. We've seen it a number of times already in this study, how marriage is a foretaste of what we will experience in a fully redeemed form once Christ comes back and marries the church."

So to the question of will there be sex? Will there be marriage in heaven? Scripture directly addresses this, saying, no, they won't be taken or given in marriage. But Christopher West expands on this, saying, the basic components of who we are as humans is who God created us to be, including our gender will continue in heaven, but the actual act of sex and the actual essence of marriage. He goes on to say, "As we will learn from Christ's words about the resurrection, the union of the sexes as we know it will give way to an infinitely greater union. Those who are raised in glory will experience a bliss so far superior to earthly sexual union, that our wee brains cannot even begin to fathom it. 'Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it even dawned on us what God has prepared for those who love him.'" That last part is a quote from 1 Corinthians 2:9. Marriage and the act of sex will give way to what each of them represent. Christopher West in the book says, you don't need a foreshadowing to point you to heaven when you are in heaven. Marriage and sex were given as an icon, pointing toward the infinitely better reality, an infinitely better marriage. Christopher West goes on to say, "Why was Christ so compassionate toward sexual sinners, especially women? I think it was because behind their deception, he knew they were looking for him, the true bridegroom."

Wow. So often, especially those of us who do or have struggled with sexual sin see ourselves as the worst of the worst. The shame gets heaped on us. But realizing as we look back through the different stories of Christ while he walked this earth, it's so true. Like he was so incredibly compassionate toward those struggling with sexual sin and making this connection between our desire for sex and our deeper desire for the real, intimate marriage between Christ and ourselves. It's just such an incredibly beautiful picture. Now what this means for those called to singleness. If you feel the weight of your singleness, know that this is only temporary. The infinite joy you will experience will dwarf the hardship of the present. Not only that, but Paul encourages single people to leverage their singleness in pursuit of Christ. Paul recognizes that this infinite joy can begin Now, those who are called to singleness have the opportunity to skip the icon and go straight for what the icon points to. To those struggling in your marriage that you may feel like I don't want anything that resembles my current marriage, especially not for eternity. There is no comparison between what you're going through and what Christ has prepared for you. You will experience deeper love and more intimate relationship than ever before. And I'll point you to Romans 818, which says that our suffering in this present world is nothing compared to the glory that is to come.

And to those who are blissfully married, beware of letting the icon of marriage become an idol. There is no comparison between what you're going through and what Christ has prepared for you. You will experience deeper love and more intimate relationship than ever before. Christopher West then draws our attention to Ephesians 5, where it shows the heart of God's spousal love for us, and he addresses specifically the verses around Paul's call inspired by God for wives to submit to husbands. And so I want to read that passage in this book specifically because I feel like he articulates it so remarkably well.

Christopher West says, "If we are to mine the riches of Paul's teaching on the profound mystery of marriage, we would do well to address head on the fact that Ephesians five contains one of the most controversial lines in the whole Bible. Wives, submit to your husbands. In Christian circles today, approaches to this passage usually lean in one of two directions. Many dismiss Paul's teaching out of hand as nothing but a product of the chauvinism of his time, as if it had nothing whatsoever to say to us in a modern context. Others appeal to Paul's teaching on submission to justify a terribly distorted approach to leadership in marriage that amounts to little more than a veiled form of male domination. By reading the passage in context, both the overall context of Scripture and the cultural context in which Paul was writing, we find a very balanced and compelling reading of Paul's teaching on submission that avoids errors on both sides.

First, we must recognize that Scripture clearly reveals the tendency of men to dominate women as a specific result of original sin. Before sin, the original order of love called the husband to initiate the gift of self in the image of God. The woman, in turn recognizing the sincerity of her husband's gift, longed to receive it and to return it, thus forming a true communion of persons. Only after original sin, and only as a result of it does God say to the woman, quote, your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. Genesis 316. The verbs translated as desire and rule both indicate the tragic effects of sin on man and woman's original communion. The man's initiation of the gift has warped into man's sinful tendency to dominate women, and the women's longing to receive and to return. The sincere gift of herself has warped into a tendency toward manipulative self-interest. As we will see, Paul is in no way justifying these sinful tendencies in marriage. Quite the contrary. He's calling spouses back to the original order of love through the redemption won for them in Christ."

Unfortunately, working in this ministry, I oftentimes come across husbands who are frankly very hard-headed while trapped in sexual addiction. And I can relate. That was me! Insisting his wife submit is hypocritical and does damage to the beauty of God's design for marriage. Husbands are called to love their wife as Christ loved the church, which at a minimum means not betraying her regularly. Instead, the husband must lead by example, as they each seek to manifest the fullness of God's design for sex and marriage in imaging Christ. The husband must be the first to serve, and is above all he who loves. And the wife, on the other hand, is she who is loved. I vividly remember Sarah turning to me several years into my recovery and saying, quote, I am thankful for your leadership in our marriage. End quote. Often anger toward biblical submission in marriage stems from a lack of experience with true, self-sacrificing love. Who wouldn't want to submit to someone whose goal in leadership is to model God's perfect love for them? Yet that is literally what Paul is saying wives, allow your husbands to serve you unto death. I believe the outcome of a husband who lovingly leads his wife, and a wife who respectfully submits, is the spouses looking out for each other's interests more than their own. Talk about a marriage that's a blessing to be a part of. Now, in the marriage bed, keeping in mind that the husband's call to serve and the nature of sex as a celebration of unity, we must conclude that sex with only the man's climax, as the goal is hedonistic and not a reflection of Christ's love for his church.

In verse 21 of Ephesians 5, It calls for husbands and wives to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. There is a mutual submission, meaning a mutual reciprocal gift of self. And what this means is spouses are to realize and live the spousal meaning of their bodies, which calls them into a mutual and sincere giving of themselves. My friends, all of this takes vulnerability. All of this takes humility. And getting here is remarkably challenging. But like all of life, if we're honest, we need to be sanctified all throughout. Don't let the fear of the journey keep you from experiencing what God has for you. Especially not the other side of heaven, but even this side of heaven. God created sex. God created marriage to be an example, an icon of his divine love. This is something that we can always be working to grow and improve in, and if there are any areas of your life that you do not feel like you are accurately representing how Christ would love His church, I would encourage you to continue pursuing sanctification fervently because marriage and sex get so, so much better. Exponentially better the more we lean into Christ's grand design for it.

Remember, no matter where you are with Christ, there is always hope