3 Steps to Overcoming Anxiety
I’m feeling anxious…
15 years ago, without a thought, I would have numbed out and calmed down with porn.
10 years ago, I would have taken the edge off with a cocktail or two.
7 years ago, I would have distracted myself by scrolling social media.
5 years ago, I would have suppressed my worries by playing video games.
Each of these provided a desirable outcome (emotional pain relief), but it was derived by an undesirable behavior.
This is a recipe for addiction!
The problem was, these behaviors prevented me from asking the deeper questions. Questions like:
Why do I feel anxious?
Is there something I need to change in my environment?
What can I change in my perspective of the situation?
How can I work toward fixing (versus numbing) this anxiety, regardless of how long it takes?
Numbing out is not the same as processing through difficult emotions or fears. Until the last 5 years, I was so quick to numb out emotional pain that I didn’t know how to process anything I felt (I wasn’t even sure what “processing” something like anxiety meant).
But as I have progressed in my healing journey, through a lot of trial and error I have found a 3-step process for working through anxiety that has proved hugely helpful to me:
Get it all out there
Seek objectivity
Commit to a decision
Get it all out there
Whether verbally or written, get everything out there.
What am I feeling? Why?
What am afraid will happen? Why?
What would that say about me? Why?
Until I hear myself utter the words out loud or see myself write them down, it’s as if I’m chasing a boogie man. Often, the fears in my mind seem imminent until they reach paper and I realize they are absurd on their face.
Other times, I’m so enamored with my pet named “anxiety”, that I struggle to look up. This is where brothers in Christ, a mentor, or my wife can be a phenomenal asset. I let them know that I’m feeling anxious and am not fully sure why. Then I get it all out there. Once I finish my monologue, I stop talking. I let them ask questions to help me dig deeper into the why behind my feelings. I answer as succinctly as possible. I am seeking their help, so I emphasize listening. I aim to understand and be coachable.
Seek objectivity
My hope is that a mentor, friend, or my wife can remind me of reality. This is where believers have a huge advantage. Worst case scenario, my situation leads to mushroom clouds or the world spontaneously imploding. Guess what? The world ended exactly as God planned, and I now get to spend eternity experiencing more joy in His presence than I ever experienced on earth. Not so bad right? The more eternal my perspective is, the more peace I experience in the present as I rest in the knowledge that God is working all things out according to His purposes and for his glory.
Commit to a decision
Once I’ve gotten everything out there and I regain the ability to look at things objectively, I have a decision to make: can I resolve the issue I’m anxious about?
If yes, I get to it! (regardless of the timeline)
If not, I have two options:
Decide if I’ll let my anxiety control my day, week, month, life…
Lean into the confidence I have in Christ and the fact that He has given me the ability to grow and adapt no matter what comes my way.
The goal here is to come to a new perspective that is grounded in truth.
Hug someone
These days when I feel my anxiety beginning to overwhelm me, I remind myself that I have the opportunity to reflect on God’s promises and to process my fears with my wife, close friends, and mentors.
And sometimes, more than anything else, I just need a hug. Hugging my wife or a fellow brother in Christ reminds me that Christ and His people are with me. I don’t have to carry my burdens alone.
I pray that when each of us is faced with anxiety we will share in David’s posture when he cried out:
“I am in distress! Let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercy is great.” 2 Samuel 24:14.
And with that, I’m off to go process with a friend.
